Asking for money as a wedding gift: wording and honeymoon funds

A generation ago, asking for money was the one thing a well-brought-up couple did not do. Today most couples have shared a home for years, own more mugs than they need and would far rather put a little towards a honeymoon or a house. The question is no longer whether you can ask, but how to ask so it reads as a kindness to guests rather than an invoice.

Is it rude to ask for money as a wedding gift?

Not if you get the tone right. Plenty of guests are quietly relieved to be told: it saves them guessing, and a transfer is easier than posting a parcel to a couple who live three hundred miles away.

Three rules keep it gracious:

• Lead with the invitation, not the gift. Your wording should start with the fact that you want people there.
• One or two lines, not an explanation. Naming the honeymoon destination is charming; itemising your mortgage is not.
• Never an amount. Not a minimum, not a suggestion, not “the cost of your meal”. The figure is entirely the guest’s choice.

Our guide to wedding invitation wording already covers the basic gift line. Here we go further: which option suits your guests, where to put it, wording for every tone and how to keep your bank details safe.

Gift list, honeymoon fund or cash: which suits your guests?

All of them are perfectly acceptable. Choose one main route, and offer a second only if part of the family will genuinely want it.

A honeymoon fund is really just a bank account with a story attached. That story matters: grandparents who would never “give money” will happily buy you “a dinner in Kyoto”.

Where to put the details: invitation, enclosure card or website

The invitation itself is not the place for gifts; British etiquette has always been clear on that. You have two good alternatives:

• An enclosure card in the envelope. Discreet and traditional, but a misprinted account number cannot be corrected.
• A Gifts page on your wedding website. Our favourite: guests copy the details rather than retyping them, and if anything changes you correct it once, for everyone.

On the invitation, one line is enough: “Everything you need to know is on our website.” Our guide to what a wedding website should include covers the other pages worth having.

Wording for asking for money: examples to copy

Swap in your own names, delete anything that doesn’t sound like you and read it aloud. If it sounds like a demand, cut a line.

Having you with us is the only gift we need.
If you would like to mark the occasion,
a contribution towards our future would be lovely.
Rosalie Hart · Sort code 00-00-00 · Account number 00000000

We have a kettle, a toaster and far too many tea towels.
What we don’t have is you on the dance floor, so please come.
If you’d like to help with the next adventure,
the details are below.

After the wedding we’re off to Japan, the trip we’ve talked about for years.
If you’d like to be part of it, any contribution
will bring us a little closer to Kyoto.
Thank you, Rosalie and Teo

We feel very lucky, and we’d like to pass some of that on.
Instead of gifts, we’d be thrilled if you made a donation
to the hospice that cared for Teo’s grandmother.
The link is on our website.

This year we’re finally doing up the cottage in Frome.
If you’d like to give us something, you’ll be helping us
build a kitchen worth inviting you round to.

A word on gift poems: rhyming couplets about not needing a toaster divide opinion. If you love one, keep it to four lines; if in doubt, plain prose is always polite.

For classic, understated wording, Calado, a hand-cut paper tunnel book of sweet peas, sets exactly the right tone; for something more fashion-forward, Perle, with its linen envelope tied in a bow of pearls, suits a crisp, modern line.

How much do guests give for a wedding gift in the UK?

As a couple, you should never suggest a figure. But it is the question every guest asks, so it helps to know the custom.

In a YouGov survey published in February 2024⁠ (opens in a new tab), 56% of Britons said £50 to £100 was the right amount for someone they are very close to; for someone they are less close to, most of those who named a figure said £50 or less. Treat that as a guide, not a rule. What tends to shift the amount:

• How close you are. Family and close friends usually give more than colleagues.
• The cost of being there. For a wedding abroad, where guests are already paying for flights and hotels, a smaller gift is entirely normal.
• Day or evening guest. Evening guests often give a little less.
• Not attending. Many guests who can’t come still send a card and a smaller gift.

And if you are the guest looking for something less predictable than a bank transfer, you can give the couple a gift card for their wedding website and invitations, with your own message on it.

A note for parents giving larger sums

Parents and grandparents sometimes give a significant amount towards a house or the wedding itself. GOV.UK explains that wedding gifts are exempt from Inheritance Tax up to set limits⁠ (opens in a new tab): £5,000 from a parent, £2,500 from a grandparent and £1,000 from anyone else. Worth knowing; for anything substantial, take proper advice.

Sharing your bank details safely

Giving out an account number so people can pay you is everyday stuff, but a wedding sends it to a hundred people or more, and messages get forwarded. Four simple precautions:

1. Private link only. Put the details on the website your guests receive, never on Instagram, in a WhatsApp status or on a public page. Ask for the site to be kept out of search engines; Google explains how a noindex tag blocks a page from search⁠ (opens in a new tab).
2. Use the account name exactly as your bank holds it. When guests set you up as a new payee, their bank runs a name check through Confirmation of Payee⁠ (opens in a new tab). If the account is in one name and your Gifts page says “Rosalie and Teo”, many guests will see a warning that the name doesn’t match, and you’ll get anxious messages.
3. Your details never change by message. Say so on your Gifts page: “We will never ask you to use different bank details by text or email.” The Take Five campaign’s advice is simple: stop, challenge any unexpected request for money and contact your bank straight away⁠ (opens in a new tab) if something feels wrong.
4. If in doubt, ring. Guests should call you on the number they already have before paying anywhere unfamiliar.

Your Gifts page, in more than one language

A good Gifts page has three parts: the wording, the details and one practical note.

Having you there matters more to us than anything else.
If you’d like to give us a gift, our details are below.
Account name: Rosalie Hart
Sort code 00-00-00 · Account number 00000000
From abroad: IBAN GB00 XXXX 0000 0000 0000 00 · BIC XXXXGB2LXXX
Please add your name as the reference so we know whom to thank.

If some of your family or friends read Spanish or Italian more comfortably than English, translate this page too: it is the one that raises the most questions. The number of languages depends on the package; you can compare them on our wedding invitation and website packages page. To see how a complete website flows, Gifts page included, explore the Gardenia demo.

Saying thank you

The payment reference spares you the detective work; the thank-you is still yours to write. A personal note in the weeks after the wedding beats one message sent to everyone:

Dear Aunt Jane and Peter,
thank you for coming all the way from Edinburgh, and for your generous gift.
The flights to Kyoto are booked, and we’ll raise a glass to you there.
With love,
Rosalie and Teo

Still choosing the look of your invitations? Every design in our collection of wedding invitations and websites has a live demo with sample wording.